By Nina Stepniczka
My whole life, I have traveled in a family of five– three of us being teens– and I have learned a lot about traveling from my parents over my nineteen years going abroad. My grandparents live in Austria, so annual visits to them have allowed us to put over ten countries under our belts. I am going to share my tips of how we keep each other happy since traveling with anyone can become a recipe for disaster without boundaries.
Understanding how we can all work together to give each other space when it’s needed is a priority. While each family is different, and I am introverted so I may be ‘needier’ than other teens on vacation, here are some general guidelines my family and I like to follow: our top priorities to keep each other sane.
Plan as a family so everyone gets a say. Balance and compromise are key!
I cannot emphasize how much of a game changer having a say in my family’s itinerary elevates my vacation excitement levels. Picking my favorite activities in each city makes me feel as though my opinions are important to my family! Planning also teaches me what certain cities have to offer, and what is important within each place (i.e. if somewhere has great art museums or if the architecture on the streets is the main appeal). Planning also makes me more excited about going on a trip. Why would I want to go on a trip where I am merely being dragged from my mom’s churches to my dad’s coffee shops when all I want to do is go to an art museum? So sitting down as a family gives everyone a choice about how we’re spending our time so it is everyone’s vacation, not just yours or theirs.
My grandparents are from Gmunden, Austria, and planning day trips has become a blast. As a family, we decided to spend a day in Hallstatt since it is not too far away. I picked an outdoor market for us to browse and my dad got to pick a skull-covered church to explore. My mom wanted to go on a walk, and my brother was opinionless. We all got to see the town from each other’s ideal perspectives while spending time together. There were also small compromises, such as restaurant choices and music in the car getting there. Everything on vacation becomes a compromise, but it is well worth it to get the experience of traveling all together.
Related: 5 Tips for Planning Your Next Vacation with Teens
Make the history digestible and not boring
Take it from me when I emphasize that us teens get enough boring history lessons at school. If the ones on vacation are not engaging and understandable, we won’t remember it. I love nothing more than going on a trip and understanding WHY my parents want to look at a set of stairs or a specific building for so long. It helps me to remember my trip better and allows me to care about what we are doing. The Spanish Steps in Rome are a huge sight I barely remember seeing because I didn’t know the reason why they were important beforehand. Looking back on it, I would give so much to be able to teach my past self about all the sights I used to see.
Start learning at home
I love learning fun facts about where we are going at home in the form of a brief YouTube video, book, podcast, or any other media form I can find. If I start learning when I am at home ahead of the trip, I get the chance to digest the significance of what I am about to see or do. Then, when I hear the historical information in person, it is a reminder of the value and not a dump of forgettable information.
When I was in Berlin, I was coincidentally fresh out of the school year where we discussed the Cold War. Rather than being bored after the initial viewing of the graffiti on the wall, I was in the giftshop wanting something to commemorate such an important artifact. I cared much more than my parents thought I might, all because I knew the history and had the time to absorb it before landing in Germany.
Related: Teen List: What to Read (or Watch) Before Your Next Vacation
Not every outing has to be a family outing
This sounds counterintuitive for a blog about traveling WITH a teen, huh? But when I dive into my why, hopefully the reasoning becomes clearer. Spending 24/7 with anyone– family or not– is bound to cause issues eventually, so if there is a particular activity one family member wants to do, and others really don’t, sometimes it is best to split up for a bit. For example, my mom wants to see every church in every town we visit, but three or four is enough for me. If I stay back in the hotel room or find a palace to sit and get time to do other beneficial activities (for me, maintaining my hobbies like reading and knitting) while on a family vacation I am happier which leads to less fighting.
Alternatively, if your teen does not want to go to the hotel or embark on a solo activity, a more family-oriented alternative is letting the family members who want to do one thing (like visit churches) do that and let the others go do their own activity (like a coffee break, seeing a different sight, etc). Then you are still getting in family time while not feeling like you are smothering each other.
Offer alone time
This one might seem obvious, but especially if your teen is introverted or gets tired easily, giving them time to recharge on their own can be all you need to avoid conflicts. I know that’s often the case for me. For my family, it comes in the form of laying in bed with my airpods in while my family is still surrounding me. While I am not truly alone, not talking to my family can help me feel that distance for a little bit. Especially as a college-aged kid, alone time is an expectation more than it is a treat. True alone time feels impossible to get if I am not showering or trailing behind everyone on our way somewhere. This means any effort made by my parents to give me some space here and there is like a big deal.
Related: Hotel vs. Apartment: 4 Things to Consider When Traveling with Teens
More than anything, just think about the boundaries you and your teens have at home. They aren’t going to change just because you are away, so offering them in any form you find possible. It shows us you pay attention to our boundaries and respect us enough to try to involve them even when we are on vacation.
Nina is from Virginia and is a rising junior at the University of Pittsburgh. With her grandparents living in Austria, she has loved to travel since she was a pre-teen, and is now navigating how to carry that love into her adult life.
